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I remember being in 7th grade thinking to myself this weight is never going to come off of me. I will always be heavy. BUT GOD had a different plan. When I was in 7th grade I joined cross country and would come in dead last in the meets. I remember feeling so defeated and being teased ruthlessly for my weight during my Junior High School years. The summer before my eighth grade year I started going to the track with my big sister and running with her. I remember cutting out sugar and fat completely from my diet. Then I lost the weight! I went from 175lbs to a tiny 115lbs. I was too skinny but I didn't care. My eighth grade year my friends didn't even recognize me. I felt amazing. I started receiving attention from boys and got in a relationship with an 18 year old. One day he sexually assaulted me during church while his friends watched. I was humiliated, I was lost, I was numb but most of all I blamed myself. I kept that a secret for 12 years. That one act of violence sent my life into a spiral of binge and purging and yo yo dieting. My weight would fluctuate up and down, up and down...it was exhausting. I didn't realize at the time but I was trying to numb my pain with food. I was trying to cover my shame. I started playing soccer which kept my weight manageable but I still wasn't free. I would constantly stuff myself to the point of being physically sick. Food controlled my life. In college I traveled to the opposite side of the spectrum. During this time I became a certified personal trainer. I felt like a hypocrite because I would preach to my clients about eating right and then turn around and eat horribly myself. I would take fat burners as a way to try to control my habits which in turn gave me a heart murmur. I wasn't living what I professed. My junior year of college I found the Lord, or shall I say he found me. I gave my heart to Christ but I still wasn't fully surrendered to His will or the Spirit's control. About 3 years into my walk with the Lord, I began to experience the freedom that I have now. Christ began to heal me. I learned how to pray (Phillipians 4:6-8), I began to renew my mind with His word. (Romans 12:1-2), I began to realize that no sin should have dominion over me. That because of what Christ did on the cross for me I can choose life. I don't have to be controlled by my flesh, I can yield to the Spirit and walk in newness of life. I was free and I have been for about 8 years now. God is able to set you free too. How do I know....because I am living proof! Fitness is about finding your freedom, I pray you would allow me to help you find yours! You are loved!
Jennifer |
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